My sister is a great cook. And she likes doing it. She also has two super weird dogs that do things like lock her outside and a male dog that can’t figure out how to lift his leg to pee. And she should start a blog. But none of that, other than the cooking bit, is relevant to this post.
My sister is a great cook. In particular, she makes this baked coated in French’s onion chicken that is amazing. The last time we went to visit her, she and bratchild made it a couple of times and then bratchild wanted to make it at home. She had supposedly written down the recipe. I say supposedly because she didn’t include pertinent things like how many fried onions to use. (1 can? 1 can after I got bored waiting for you to figure out the recipe and ate half the onions?) or how long to cook them. But, we set forth valiantly.
I was touching raw chicken, which skeeves me out, and dipping them in the non eaten onions that were smashed with a Tim Holtz paper distressing hammer because I don’t own a food mallet and thought a real hammer, like the one I use to prop open the door to my closet room, might be overkill. (I also didn’t realize it had four optional heads until I googled it for this post so I have a hammer with two lost heads.)
Fried onions leave more of a greasy residue then you would suspect.
Since I was messing about with the raw chicken I set bratchild on slicing potatoes that were to be cooked in rosemary and thyme…except we only had rosemary because grocery stores inconveniently don’t organize spices by song lyrics so I couldn’t find thyme. Or parsley or sage. Since I am not allowed to use the “nice knives,” I gave bratchild one of the crap knives and she cut her finger. When J came in, the first aid kit was out–despite not being much help because it’s out of band aids and the giant thing of band aids lives on my desk for easy access.
J: Why is the first aid kit out?
Me: Because we’re cooking?
J: Who cut themselves?
Me: Bratchild.
J: Why is she using the knife?
Me: Because I was a better choice?
J: Good point.
Bratchild: Do you taste blood in the potatoes?
We finished cooking and then cooked the chicken for too long so it was dry and, errr, crispy. Must figure out correct cook time. Another conversation of late at the house?
Me: Do you remember a couple of weeks ago when I was sick and taking phenergan and those antibiotics that turned me into Lucille Two?**
J: Yeah.
Me: I remembered today that I ordered dozens of unfinished matchboxes but they haven’t shown up yet and I can’t remember where I ordered them from so I don’t know what to do.
J: Super.
**When I made this reference to Lucille Two at 3 am because I was super dizzy and falling over and couldn’t sleep, I was immediately offended because J didn’t laugh and it was SUPER funny. I was then traumatized because I decided to look up my medications for side effects and such and one of them’s description began with the statement: “In the case of biological warfare this medicine may be prescribed for…” I blocked out the rest.
While playing the role of Lucille Two, I also went on an etsy and eBay spree that resulted in the delivery of several house shaped wood shadow boxes, a vintage plastic cake topper of an old people couple, mini plastic pigs, top hats and black cats and some other things I can’t recall right now. It’s pretty fun and kind of like Christmas…except unlike Christmas presents these are a genuine surprise as I have no idea what’s in the box.
(The cooking experiment caused J to clean up the kitchen which then brought about the remark that he was super excited that we don’t have any Tupperware. When I inquired as to why that was, he answered it was because SOMEBODY had managed to get glitter and glue all in them. At that point, I left the room.)
Hey there! We’ve had a gorgeous weekend here in Alabama and I was able to get out and enjoy it. I did spend several days this week hidden away in the playstudio with Veronica Mars DVDs and finishing up Alice’s Curiouser and Curiouser Shoppe for the Altered Alice and Alpha Stamps Design Challenge. If you’ve ever wanted to play around with an Alice in Wonderland theme, now is the perfect time as all the Alice in Wonderland components are on sale at Alpha Stamps AND this challenge is anything goes so you can create whatever inspires you!
I found this unfinished wood house on eBay and knew it would be perfect for something. To paint it, I mixed a creamy beige paint with an acrylic paint stain and covered the house. After it dried I used a gold metallic paint, also mixed with stain, to cover it and applied a layer of Tim Holtz Rock Candy Distress Crackle.
Because I am impatient and didn’t want to be late for this very important date, I used a hair dryer to speed up the crackling and drying. (My husband walked in as I was blow drying a small wooden house in the kitchen sink and said nothing. He’s become unfazeable–which is disappointing.) I used a sponge to apply some Tim Holtz dye to the top of the crackles.
I used quite a few of the Alice in Wonderland Collage Sheets from Alpha Stamps and I love that they are available digitally. Because Leslie is amazing, they always arrive to my inbox super fast so I can start printing and playing. Sheets I used include Tenniel’s Alice CS, A Large Blue Caterpillar ATCs, Alice & Cards CS, Words CS, Queen of Hearts 3 CS, Alice Characters CS, Alice The Trial CS, Mad Hatter’s Tea Party Paper Dolls CS and the I Wonder CS–I think that’s it.
To cover the roof, I used a deck of mini playing cards and pulled out the heart cards. I brushed them with Tim Holtz Distress Stain in Vintage Photo and then cut them to fit.
There’s so many little things that I used here and there. The velvet leaves along with some plastic white roses created a workspace for a frustrated/terrified member of the Queen of Heart’s Card Army while the Frog Footman and the Fish Footman exchanged correspondence amidst some buttons and keys.
A tiny paper Alice is tucked into a 1.5 inch bottle and, can I just say, it was such a pain to get her in there but I am really pleased with how she turned out. I cut her out from the I Wonder CS, leaving a little bit of paper under her feet to create a tab and wrestled her in there with tiny tweezers, using the end of a skinny paintbrush to press her glue dotted tab in place. There’s also some metal clock faces, pocket watch brads and a hinged lid teapot charm.
I was stuck on the idea of the White Rabbit and his pocket watch so I filled a faux Pocket Watch with an image from the Red Queen CS and added the Rabbit himself, all decked out, from the Alice Characters CS. To add dimension, he is held in place with some adhesive foam. Watch hands and a tiny gear round out the rest of the components.
Under the watchful eye of the Caterpillar is an Amber Glass Bottle with a Drink Me tag and a tiny inkwell bottle filled with mushrooms and moss–another bit that about drove me to distraction. (The process for this bottle was basically hot glue, tweezers, expletive, yanking out of mushroom, scraping of glue, repeat.)
I must say, it was fun losing myself in Wonderland while I finished up this project and now am only left with one question: how do I want to alter Alice next?
How are YOU going to alter Alice?
The supplies are on sale at Alpha Stamps through May 26 and the Altered Alice Challenge deadline is May 25 . One lucky winner will receive the Alice’s Adventures Rubber Stamp Set and EVERY entrant will receive the brand new White Rabbit ATC Collage Sheet. So grab a treat, arm yourself with Alice and take a tumble down the rabbit hole to Wonderland.
Take time to sip a spot of tea and snack on some spiced comfits and make sure you check out other posts and projects on Altered Alice as there is so much to see and be inspired by. Some of my fellow Alpha Stamps Design Team Members are amazingly talented and have unbelievable creations shared.
Pop Quiz: anyone know where and in which Alice book, comfits are enjoyed by the characters?
Create a pretty pixie poppet
I had so much fun making today’s project. Lisa offers an AMAZING array of doll bits in her Artfire store and I had been dying to do something with my Charlotte heads. Using the small heads, I created a pretty pixie poppet. What is really wonderful about these is you could easily create your own parade of poppets and add a loop of ribbon to the back to create ornaments. For colorful trees, the assortment above is fabulous. If you want metallics or a more monochromatic look, the Fleur de Lis Flapper heads are a pretty choice and would make marvelous snow fairies or queens and I may have just convinced myself I need them…The set of basic Charlotte heads would be easy to customize for any color scheme–these pieces take paint and glitter extremely well.
For this project, you’ll need:
Your choice of doll heads from Lisa Kettell Designs
Doll bodies printed on cardstock (Mine came from Altered Artifacts on etsy)
Butterfly or fairy wings printed on cardstock (you could also use silk ones)
Crown paper punch
Adhesive rhinestones
Stickles in Diamond
Various fabric trims and ribbon
Thin wood craft sticks
Fine glitter (I like Martha Stewart glitters)
Glue, scissors, hot glue gun, etc
I started by cutting out the doll body and attaching her head. I did sand the back of her head down just a touch to make it a little flatter. She was attached to the body using a glue stick and then I positioned the wings, legs and arms.
Next, I created her crown by using a crown paper punch and covering it in Martha Stewart glitter in Sterling. Shake off the excess and set aside to dry. I used a piece of trim for her skirt and held it in place with hot glue and accented the waist with a fun, fluffy bit of pink fiber. After this was attached, I outlined her wings and shoes in Diamond Stickles and created her a necklace with tiny silver adhesive rhinestones. Her crown is simply attached to the back of her head with a dot of hot glue and then it got accented with pink adhesive rhinestones. Once she was all together, I used hot glue to apply a craft stick–just to make her a little more sturdy. If you wanted your pixie poppet to be an ornament, just loop a bit of ribbon under the craft stick as you glue it in place.
This is a project that could easily be done with little ones–just help them with the hot glue gun and such. These would make great gifts for them to give for Christmas to friends and family. Here’s the finished project:
Doesn’t she look like she’s been sprinkled with a pinch of pixie dust?
This may not be popular. If you think you may need torches or pitchforks, go ahead and grab them. I’ll be here.
Back? Oh goody.
By today’s standards it seems as though I should earn a trophy just for showing up and writing this post.
I don’t know that I’ve ever won a trophy because back in my day, you know when we wore banana peels for shoes and walked backwards on our hands uphill to school a billion miles naked each way, you had to EARN trophies. And, frankly, the things I was good at didn’t come with trophies. I did audition for cheerleading but people that were far more coordinated than I made the squad. Was I bummed out? Sure. But I was mainly in it for the outfits. So rather than having my mother whack somebody in the knee with a bat or suing under the pretense of life isn’t fair because I am short and uncoordinated, I found other things I was good at and left the bouncing and perkiness to people more suited for it. I realized my interests, and talents, were in art and writing and journalism. And I love those things–though they do come with far drabber ensembles than pleated cheerleading skirts. And I don’t get to regularly shake pom poms. (I DO get to wear lots of pj pants.)
Point? I don’t believe in “a” for effort or a prize for participation. It’s okay to NOT be good at everything. Nobody is. Life isn’t fair. But if you blow sunshine up a kid’s ass and tell him he’s going to play in the Major Leagues when he can’t catch a ball or swing a bat…you may be sparing his feelings in the short time but are you really doing him a favor?
Bratchild is allowed to try anything she wants to do with the understanding that we don’t take on more than two activities a year and if she starts it, she has to finish it. I’m a firm believer in kids needing time to play and eating in the car nightly as you race from ball field to piano isn’t being a kid. She twirls baton and, until this year, took dance lessons. Dance? Not her forte. She has a leg turning inwards condition that has an official medical name I can’t remember that makes toe pointing and things tough for her but, bless her heart, that kid can twirl a baton and would like to light some on fire a la Suzanne Sugarbaker. (THAT’S the night the lights went out in Georgia. Sidenote? I miss Dixie Carter.)
Recently she auditioned for a play that a local children’s theatre was going to perform and, to put it simply, she didn’t make it. The second she got up there and read her bit, I knew she wasn’t going to make it. We are not quiet people. I have been told I have two volume levels: playground and arena. I can speak to a large group of people sans microphone. Bratchild inherited this “skill” from me. She has always had parts and solos in her school plays but, they know her and know what she can do. In an audition with strangers, you’re not afforded that luxury and she simply wasn’t loud enough. It was like she thought they were all of a sudden playing the quiet game. Truly. But I was honestly proud of her for trying.
When they announced call backs and she wasn’t one of them, she immediately got a bad attitude and started to complain. They don’t know what they’re missing, I’m amazing, I guess they just didn’t like me, why would they want HER and not me, etc. I stopped her and told her that, yes, she is AMAZING and yes, she is TALENTED but, in this case, she wasn’t loud enough and they couldn’t hear her. When she tried to get an attitude with me, I said, “Look. You can either be a sore loser and blame the world or you can learn from this, move on and know what you need to work on for next time.” I don’t think you always have to BE the best. I do think you should DO your best, have some fun and maybe learn something.
Some other parents I know thought this was harsh of me and wondered why I just didn’t tell her the casting people were stupid or mistaken. I guess I don’t subscribe to the viewpoint of sugar-coating. If you sugarcoat everything, how is a child going to learn a work ethic? How are they going to learn from their mistakes and be functional, well-adjusted adults that don’t have to go to the bathroom in pairs and have someone wipe their ass? At Bratchild’s school, they aren’t even allowed to have run of the mill chapstick. It’s considered medicine. Really? You want children to be the future leaders of the country BUT they can’t be trusted to moisturize their own lips? Yes. I believe in protecting our children and teaching them and helping them grow but I can’t take much more of this aww shucks life isn’t fair, let’s have everyone win and all go for ice cream.
Fact. We are not always going to be the best. Life isn’t fair. There is ALWAYS going to be someone better, smarter, prettier, hungrier and more determined than we are. On the converse: there is ALWAYS going to be someone worse off than you–they aren’t as smart or aren’t educated or don’t have nice things. Perhaps instead of whining and lamenting, we focus on our strengths, pull ourselves up, make our own magic and use that position to help others. A little gratitude and gumption never hurt anyone.
If a kid can’t run without tripping over her own feet, instead of telling her she’s going to be Olympian and making everyone miserable–help her find her true gift. Maybe she’s awesome at science and will cure cancer one day. Maybe not. One thing I DO know is you won’t find out if you’re beating her up on the track field.
It’s true. I realize I am still somewhat under the weather and still adjusting to the news that I get to have yet another colonoscopy. Hoorah! Seriously though, apparently I am HI-larious while under anesthesia so I am going to need someone to come in with me and make note of the things I say.
ANYWAYS-J always finds it remarkable that I have no sense of size or distance. Some would say it’s because women have been lied to about size for such a long time–I just don’t think my brain has any depth perception. Or, as bratchild says I am not a spatial learner. Even whilst looking at a map, I always think things are closer than they are–especially up in Yankee land where everything is squished together. I remarked about this on Facebook tonight.
This picture has a point. Honest.
This is the ensuing conversation:
Majken: Mmmm, Bruce and Gerard and I have to add in Josh Duhamel. Sizzling!!!
Something I DIDN’T announce on the Facebox but have been thinking: I can NOT take much more of Blair and Lonely Boy–how can he even attempt to be as awesome as Chuck Bass? AND I don’t know what Veronica ever saw in Duncan, Logan is so much more fantastical stuff. I have since realized that Mark Hammill was Luke Skywalker and he did not get Maddie Hayes pregnant. (My childhood dog was named Cybil after Cybil Shepherd since my parents vetoed Maddie) Mark Harmon ruined the show and now is on NCIS which takes place AT Quantico NOT Quantanamo Bay–another thing I can never keep straight and I’m always riding through Virginia thinking people are being tortured near an Ikea.
Other things that are flopped in my head? Chris Tucker and Chris Rock–see above, Carrie Fisher and Jamie Lee Curtis and I am always convinced Cypress Hill and House of Pain are the SAME band because they both use that twirly sound in their songs and don’t look at me like you don’t know what I am talking about.
Also? Sarah Bernhardt and Sandra Bernhard are backwards in my brain. Sandra is in one of my favorite movies, that also features Bruce, Hudson Hawk. Fairly certain people related to me by blood are the only ones that like that movie.
Sarah Bernhardt
And here’s Sandra: CLEARLY not the same person:
Sandra Bernhard
And, yes, now my head hurts so make me feel better and tell me what YOU can’t keep straight. Please?
Let’s get crafty and go to the circus with a spoonfull of stars–we can skip the $15 balloons.
Hey y’all! Today I’m tickled to show you a wood plaque turned into a marvelous circus as a project for the Lisa Kettell Designs Design Team. Get crafty, grab a spoonfull of stars and let’s go to a circus where there’s no crying children or $15 balloons.
Supplies Used:
Unfinished Wood Plaque
Three Sheets of Scrapbook Paper from Lisa Kettell Designs
Lisa Kettell Fairy Follies CD
Lisa Kettell Sweet Shoppe Carnival Embellishment (unpainted)
Bakers Twine
Fiskars Banner Punch
Pink Pom Pom Fringe
A Ticket
Scrapbook Paper: Music
Scrapbook Paper: Dictionary
Stickles in Diamond
Glitter or Glitter Paper
Tiny Star Sequins
The first thing I did was to cut a piece of Lisa’s scrapbook paper to use as the background. I cut a crown from another sheet of Lisa paper and painted the Sweet Shoppe Carnival. Sadly, while I can paint many things a straight-ish line is not one of them. Ditto for cutting a straight line; paper trimmers are my friend.
I glued a piece of glitter paper to the back of the carnival after using a knife to cut out the “door” area, I wanted it to open to something full of sparkles. I glued music down the side, glued in the crown and glued down the carnival. I chose the word brilliant from a page of dictionary scrapbook paper, pinked the edges and glued it along the top. The fairy came from Fairytale Follies CD. I carefully cut her out and used adhesive foam to give her a little dimension and then traced her with the Diamond Stickles.
She has silver stars dripping from her hands; they were attached via glue stick and given a little extra sparkle with the Diamond Stickles. Using my hot glue gun, I bordered the box with the pink pom poms and added the ticket. Using my banner punch, I cut out 5 pieces from another sheet of Lisa’s and attached it to the bakers twine with my glue gun. A dot in each corner holds the banner in place and allows it to hang freely. Because I don’t think you can EVER have too many sparkles, I traced each banner piece in the Diamond Stickles.
I recently read “The Night Circus” and between that and Lisa’s magical creations, found myself very inspired. If you haven’t read the book, pick it up! Also, Lisa has added some NEW collage CDs to her Artfire store and has some very affordable options. I picked up the Halloween one and am eyeing the Circus one and the Vintage Storybook and Ephemera Disc.
I did not die. I did finally give in and all my doc Monday only to say I was on deadline and couldn’t come in until the afternoon. And then he poked my stomach and suggested admitting me to the hospital which made me panic because I didn’t know if they had wireless and again, DEADLINE, and he sent me for tests and home to await a CT scan.
Then they called to tell me to go to the hospital and to imaging but imaging sent me to admitting which made me panic AGAIN because I did not want to be admitted. And the lady in admitting was stroking out because I didn’t have a diagnosis and they had to have one to admit me even though they weren’t actually admitting me and HELLO, the whole reason I was there was to GET a diagnosis NOT to be admitted.
Whew. Apparently feeling poorly causes me to write run-on sentences.
But then admitting but not admitting me was taking FOREVER and I asked J if perhaps I should collapse on the floor and writhe in pain and he just told me to go for it. Fortunately, that was when the women called me over to ask me if I wanted a private or a semi-private room if I were admitted which totally confused me because I thought the whole hullabaloo indicated I WAS being admitted. It appears the difference is, insurance doesn’t cover private rooms. And I still don’t know if I was admitted or not.
Me: It would seem I have to have a semi-private room. What if they put me with a crackhead?
J: Then we will use the little plastic divider.
Me: What if the crackhead goes crazy, rips DOWN the divider and kills me in the middle of the night?
J: Then I will sue the hospital and name a wing after you in my gun range estate that I build with the settlement.
Anyone else see why he is NOT helpful? He later told me, “I’m not giggling because I don’t care. I’m giggling because I’m an asshole.”
Because I am occasionally smart, I prepped for the occasion by wearing yoga pants, a tank with a bra and a t-shirt–and, HOORAY, I got to keep my clothes on. After I drank icky stuff mixed with diet pepsi, I got to have radioactive iodine injected in my veins. Despite that I have had this particular test done several times, it still makes me giggle and holller, “YUP! I totally feel like I peed on myself,” which always seems to tickle the tech. On the inside, I am an 8-year-old boy.
My doc called me at the hospital after my tests were read to tell me I had an icky infection called Diverticulitis. Which is gross. I get to take two antibiotics for 10 days–one of which is used to treat anthrax poisoning so I am sure I will develop a tolerance and be screwed should people start mailing me anthrax laced letters.
The past couple days have been not fun because my stomach is so swollen I have the pregnant lady waddle AND I look like I should be cast in a Sally Struthers Save the Children commercial. I’m also paler than normal–and that’s tough to do. The next part is gross so I am going to put it in italics so if you want to SKIP the really gross part, just go down to where it’s not italicized anymore.
It would seem people that suffer from diverticulitis are not supposed to have peas and I now understand why. Yesterday, there were lots of peas in the, ahem, toilet and I had not eaten any for at least a week and a half. I am also so gassy I am offending the dog.
Okay, it wasn’t really THAT bad. I’m off to see if bratchild wants to help me spraytan so I can quit looking all sicklike and yellow…
