Let’s all be glad a zombie didn’t come in the mail
I have a tendency to shop online if I have taken migraine meds and/or nausea meds-the two often go hand in hand you see. Last summer, a lovely straw Kate Spade hat that I had no recollection of ordering showed up:
When I looked at the order form, I was astounded to see it had been placed less than 24 hours before. Plus side? Even when medicated I had the wherewithal to use a discount code AND they overnighted it for free. Because it would be terrible if you had to wait for something you didn’t know you bought in the first place.
ANYWAYS-the other day a package arrived from Zed’s Zombie Ranch and it was addressed to me. If a package for J had come from Zed’s Zombie Ranch I wouldn’t have been shocked. He’s always ordering gun parts and some of those places have weird names. Plus, he’s so mister prepared that he is totally set for the end of the world/zombie apocalypse/electromagnetic pulses–whatever. I have a big fear of the end of the world, solar flares, those damn Mayans, electromagnetic pulses wiping out everything, slugs, shower curtains, the extinction of bees and zombies. I was totally in a tizzy a couple years ago when I read a for real news article about real life zombies in Texas or somewhere.
Go ahead, you can laugh at my irrational fears. I used to not be concerned about satellite bits falling from the sky until I was a mother and had a little person and would be left devastated if zombies ate her brain or an asteroid fell on her. Motherhood totally changes you.
The package sat by the front door for a WEEK before J was all, “Seriously. Are you going to open that package?” So I did. And was pleasantly surprised. It was not a zombie. And it was totally something I would have ordered had I been in full possession of all my faculties:
But zombies. Yesterday when I was using a glue gun for 5 hours non-stop finishing Easter crafts for a tutorial for the newspaper, I decided to watch The River. Matt aka Casio Kid aka The Fatchelor aka half of the Cubelic and The Kid Show (where you can hear me every Thursday from 9 to 10 am CST) had been talking about the show so I decided to give it a whirl. I really like the show, the plot is super interesting and it’s kind of a blend of Lost, Ghost Whisperer and Supernatural–all shows I love. The creepy doll stuff made it a show my sister can’t watch, but barring that she would like it too. I totally did not expect it to take a zombie/vampire/wtf turn. Last night I had a bunch of crazy dreams.
When I left for Huntsville Adventure Boot Camp this morning at 5:20 and hopped in my car in the dark, I almost died. Lurking in my backseat was a weird bulbous head with round, sparkly sores. A zombie came the whole way from the Amazon to get ME as I was simply trying to exercise. I screamed and leapt out of my car. Before I went to wake up J to shoot it in the head, I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with so I randomly beat the buttons of my car remote until the interior light came on. I closed one eye and held my breath as the lights came on to reveal…an Easter egg topiary. I had completely and utterly forgotten that I had already loaded it in to the car last night.
Relief flooded me. I would survive to make it to boot camp despite my shock that sparkles, my most favorite thing, almost did me in.