And now I have to get a tuxedo altered for a skeleton
I’ve accepted the fact that things happen to me that are often ridiculous and that, more often than not, it’s my own doing. The other day, bratchild and I were going to go to thrift stores and Mary’s (a junk/antique/bead emporium) to look for crap and to try, again, to find a smallish cheap round table that I can turn into a fortune-teller’s table for my friend Ronda to use when she is the fortune teller at bratchild’s Halloween party that I told her she could invite her entire grade to attend. Mainly because I am lazy and what’s 20 kids versus 50 or so when it means I don’t have to mail invites and can just give her a buttload to take to school.
ANYHOO-we invited mom to come and then decided to invite dad and he came mainly so he could make me drive and criticize every driving maneuver I executed, pretend to be bored and catch things as mom knocked them off shelves. (Also J doesn’t like it when bratchild and I go to thrift stores and dad naturally looks frightening so really inviting him was a safety precaution. The LAST time I went to a thrift store a homeless man got down on the ground behind my car, pretended I had run him over and then hopped up and began rapping on my window demanding money. Since I had NOT run him over, I just pulled away. To be fair, even if I HAD run him over, I never carry cash.)
It was at that very thrift store that mom spied a white tux with tails stuck in with the wedding gowns and decided I needed it to dress a skeleton or Frankenstein for Halloween. Obviously I agreed and brought him home to begin looking for a skeleton. Can I just go ahead and warn you that finding an acceptable not a bajillion dollar skeleton is not an easy task? Most are mini–which is weird or for medical students–which I am NOT. Some are glow in the dark and others are just cardboard jointed cutouts. Mom pointed out I should perhaps look for a Frankenstein–because a life-size one of those would be easier to locate and less expensive? I needed a manly skeleton that could be scary and perhaps hold a tray of cocktails AND fit my new white tux with tails. FINALLY-I came across this one for the bargain price of $39.99. He’s posable and doesn’t look stupid and he comes with a change of clothes. What skeleton doesn’t need wardrobe options?
Downside? He’s ONLY five feet tall making him shorter than I am. I hadn’t intended him to be a crossdresser so putting a pair of my highest heels on him is out of the question (I also don’t know what size his feet are or if they are bendable). I guess I will make him (by I, am clearly talking about J) a platform upon which to perch. My tux, which I don’t know what size it is but am pretty sure is larger than a 5 foot tall skinny skeleton is now going to have to be altered so once he arrives, I am going to have to drag his bony ass to find him a dress shirt (I already have a sequined bow tie for him) and cart him to my alterations lady to have his tux “fitted” to him. Fortunately, I am in the market for a new alterations lady so I don’t particularly care if I traumatize my moody, refuses to speak English and uses a sponge roller as a barrette current seamstress.
I could learn to sew myself but honestly taking a skeleton and his tux to a seamstress seems less problematic. I refuse to believe I am the first person to be in this position.